Archive for the 'Retirement Jokes' Category

Retirement Quotes and Sayings - Part 3

More retirement quotes and funny sayings!
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.  ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949
When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.  ~Gene Perret
The […]

Retirement Quotes and Sayings - Part 2

More retirement quotations and pity sayings. Some of these are pretty amusing and most of them are very true!
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means […]

Retirement Quotes and Sayings - Part 1

Here is a collection of quotes and sayings about retirement. Some of them are funny and some are just wise!
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.  ~Abe Lemons
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with […]

Retirement Jokes - “If My Body Were a Car”

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and
scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull,
but that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus […]

Living Will

I, _____ _____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the […]